Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
