so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
