All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
