Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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