I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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