she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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