I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
