I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
