listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
