Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
