then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
