he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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