And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
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