We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
