I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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