First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
