The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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