he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
