You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
