you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
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