remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
