So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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