Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
