I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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