If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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