this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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