Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
