That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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