btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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