you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
