I think im going to throw up on grandma
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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