That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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