shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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