I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
