Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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