Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
