do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
