how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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