I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
