so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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