At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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