Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I could make wine with my vomit
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
