i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
