3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
