guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
