Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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