If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
