he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
