Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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