There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
