I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
