she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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