she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
