i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
