I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
